Snips And Snails, And Puppy Dog Fails

Today’s failures are all of the cute variety.  They constitute either poorly chosen phrasing or intentionally misheard words.

Today’s failures….are all the result of dogs.

My dog, Bandit, is afraid of thunder.  His terror of thunder is so great that we have to give him medicine to sedate him so that he doesn’t tremble for hours on end while a storm passes by.  Yesterday, we had a storm and had to give him this medicine.

He was as high as a kite for the rest of the day.

He’s actually quite cute when high, although he gets sleepy and acts a bit odd.  Yesterday, instead of finding him on the couch, a bed, or blanket, I found him in the corner pocket of the hallway.  I had been searching for him for ten minutes in order to check up on him and make sure he was doing alright.  He, on the other hand, had calmly watched me pace by him four or five times in my gradually-more-frantic search for him (context: he sometimes hides under beds and then gets stuck).  I had decided to check the garage, but then I heard a small shuffling movement right behind me.  I turned around, and there was Bandit.  He had titled his fuzzy head, pricked his ears, and had an inquiring expression was on his face.  I started to let out an exasperated groan, but quickly melted into an, “AwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWW! You’re so adorable! Come here, you!”

Which meant, naturally, that I walked over to him and cuddled with him for a bit.

My dog, Daisy, has selective hearing.  There are three failures to be associated with her today.

The first occurred yesterday.  Daisy was laying right beside my sister, but looking at me.  My sister spent several minutes saying her name in an attempt to get Daisy to look her way. Daisy completely ignored her and continued to stare at me. Every time my sister would turn Daisy’s face towards her and let go, Daisy would promptly look back at me.  Of course, my giggling probably contributed to my sister’s failure, but I couldn’t help it.  I was being stared at by Daisy, and I did not even have any food with me, which is her typical reason for staring at me.

Today, Daisy was giving my sister kisses.  One priceless quote is all that needs to be said about this failure.  After pushing Daisy away several times, my sister finally said, “Daisy, we are not french kissing today.”

….I was banned from quoting her on facebook.  I think I might be able to get away with quoting her here.

The other failure from today was when I was snuggling with Daisy.  I was talking to her, and asking her questions comprehensible to doggies.  However, I did not think carefully enough about the wording of one question and asked, “Daisy, how is life treating you today?”

Daisy’s eyes brightened.  She had heard her favorite word. TREAT.

……it was a matter of minutes before I gave in.

I hope everyone enjoyed this list of failing cuteness.  Until tomorrow, happy failing!

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Like a Tea Tray in the Sky

Yesterday, I failed at my job.

However, I failed with such energetic enthusiasm and willingness to try that I gained some respect from my coworkers. Or maybe they were laughing at my wimpy toothpick arms.  Regardless, I didn’t get in the way or break anything, so if I provided some extra humor with my humble work contribution, then I am okay with that.

Where I work, I do banquet serving.  For the most part, I clean, polish, and organize things as well as *gasp* serve food.

In order to serve food, the food must be transported to within serving distance of tables.  Here is where my wimpy toothpick arms become a liability.  To transport and serve said food, one must carry a tray and move the food from the tray to the table.

The problem is, the trays are incredibly heavy.  I can balance them on my hand without a problem, but when I try to let go with the other hand in order to move a plate of food from the tray to the table, my arm begins to protest.  A wimpy toothpick arm does not have the capacity to hold a heavy tray all by itself, and instantly starts to wobble.

My first day at work, I was taught how to hold the trays.  When the lady who had taught me proper tray transporting technique saw my shaky and slow progress of dessert distribution yesterday, she adopted a look of amused pity and said, “Here, why don’t I help you with that?” I then followed her around the table (carrying the tray with both of my hands!) while SHE removed desserts from the tray and placed them on the table.  Earlier, she had sensed trouble and came to my rescue to distribute a smaller tray of vessels filled with cream.

My supervisor offered to transport the tray with dinner plates for me, which was great, seeing as how that eventually meant he dropped them instead of me.

My serving partner acknowledged that he was going to be the one to carry out the tray of dirty dishes, which was also great, as it meant that I was then shown how to efficiently use tray space to maximize the number of dirty dishes that could fit on a tray.

All I can say is, I am fortunate that my career goal is in music and not something relying on tray transporting.  While I know my arms will get stronger over time, it will be a while before I’ll be able to manage the heavier trays.

It also does not hurt that I enjoy polishing silverware!

Until tomorrow, happy failing!

An Electrifying Tail

Hello followers!

Unfortunately, I did not fail in any inspiring or spectacular way today.  So, I am going to have to do something that I did not plan on doing. I shall talk about a past failure.

A few weeks ago, I went to the equine therapy center (that place I volunteer as a sidewalker at) for the first time. While I was there, my sister, who interned at the center this past spring, was asked to “catch some horses.” Catching horses refers to putting a bridle and reins on a horse, then leading them to the stables.

One of the horses she was asked to catch was Dreamer, who is her favorite horse. However, he was in a paddock that was partitioned off by an electric fence.  There are two wires that form this electric fence, and to “open the gate” in it, you have to grasp these plastic handles on each wire and unhook them from a pole. Once a person and/or horse has gone through the gate, you rehook the ends of the wires (which, of course, are made of metal to keep the current going), and the gate is closed with the current complete.

That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.  When I tried to rehook the ends of the wires, I found that the plastic handles did not quite give me enough control over the metal hooks.  I kept missing the space where the hooks needed to be placed.

So, without thinking, I adjusted the metal hook with my bare hand in order to get it back into place.

It worked.  But, I also had these thoughts…

1 millisecond before touching the hook-“I probably shouldn’t be doing this.”

1 second after touching the hook-“Oh, that’s right, I shouldn’t be doing this because this is an electric fence.”

2 seconds after touching the hook-“I can feel the current, wow it feels thrummy.”

3 seconds after touching the hook-I feel a soft WHUMP as the current went through me and into the ground. I also let go of the wire.

And then guys, after the WUMP, my ankle……….twitched.

And that was the entirety of my reaction. I didn’t feel or receive a painful shock.  I have always had unusual luck/responses to electricity, though, so that was not as surprising to me as it has been to the people I have told.

That story was also an elaborate setup for a recent failure that my mentor told me about.  I was lucky compared to the squirrel that was on his property.

What happened? In his words, “We had a squirrel who met a shocking end on our power pole.”

You read that correctly, my mentor and his wife had a squirrel die on their property because it electrocuted itself. They even had to have the city come out to fix the situation.

I, of course, could only point out that it was a stunning conclusion to a current event.  Only one jolt and that squirrel went off the grid for good.

I warned you about the puns.

What is the point of these failures? You should turn on the AC in the summer, but not in that way.  A slightly more serious interpretation is this: Remember that even when you think something you have done registers as a particularly stupid failure, there is always someone else out there who has failed in a more stupid fashion than you did.  So, you should do a happy dance to celebrate not being them.

Until tomorrow, happy failing!